By History Humor Desk | April 7, 2026

Let's be honest—when you think of the Founding Fathers, you probably imagine a bunch of guys in powdered wigs arguing about taxes while wearing uncomfortable pants. But Benjamin Franklin? He was the George Clooney of the 1700s: charming, brilliant, and absolutely shameless.

The Naked Philosopher

Picture this: It's 6 AM in Philadelphia. You're walking past a nice house on Market Street, maybe heading to get one of those "puffy rolls" Franklin made famous. Suddenly, you glance up at a window and see—gasp —Benjamin Franklin, completely naked, reading a book.

Was he having a mental breakdown? Nope. He was taking an "air bath."

Franklin believed that sitting naked in front of an open window was excellent for his health. When his grandson once walked in and asked why Grandpa was birthday-suiting it at breakfast time, Franklin didn't even flinch: "My dear boy, why should the creature who made this suit take offense when I take it off?"

Modern wellness influencers are still trying to catch up to this level of confidence.

The Original Internet Troll

Before Twitter existed, Franklin was already mastering the art of the long-form troll. His victim? A rival almanac publisher named Titan Leeds.

In 1733, Franklin (writing under the fake name "Richard Saunders") predicted that Leeds would die on October 17th at exactly 3:29 PM. When Leeds published an angry rebuttal saying he was very much alive, Franklin doubled down: Obviously the real Leeds was too polite to write such rude words. Therefore, Leeds must be dead, and someone was impersonating him to sell almanacs.

Franklin kept this joke running for SEVEN YEARS. Even after Leeds actually died in 1738, Franklin claimed victory, saying Leeds' ghost visited him in a dream, entered through his left nostril (yes, really), and used Franklin's hands to write a letter admitting he'd died on the predicted date.

If Franklin were alive today, he'd be running 47 parody accounts and moderating r/MurderedByWords.

Party Tricks That Could Kill You

Franklin didn't just discover electricity—he weaponized it for dinner entertainment. At one party in 1749, he decided to cook a turkey using an electric shock, believing it made the meat more tender. Guests drank wine from electrified glasses that delivered mild zaps to their lips.

He even invented a game called "Treason" where guests had to remove a crown from an electrified portrait of King George without getting shocked.

The man essentially created the first escape room, except instead of finding clues, you risked actual electrocution.

One time, the experiment went wrong and Franklin knocked himself unconscious with his own electrical device. His guests saw "a flash and heard a thunderous crack." Franklin was sore for days but probably considered it a successful party.

The Squirrel Epitaph

Franklin once had his wife ship a pet squirrel from Philadelphia to England as a gift for a friend's child. The squirrel, named Mungo, eventually escaped and was eaten by a dog.

Most people would send a condolence card. Franklin wrote an actual epitaph for the rodent, noting that Mungo "had a good Education, had travell'd far, and seen much of the World."

This is the same man on the $100 bill, by the way. America's first emotional support animal mourner.

Dating Advice from the 1700s

Franklin once wrote a letter to a friend giving eight reasons why older women make better lovers than younger ones. His arguments included that older women were more "tender," more "useful," and—his words—"in the dark all Cats are grey."

He ended the letter with: "They are so grateful!!" (with two exclamation points).

Modern dating coaches charge $500 an hour for worse advice.

The Kite Lie

Everyone knows the kite story: Franklin flew a kite in a thunderstorm, discovered electricity, became a legend. Here's what they don't tell you: The kite was never struck by lightning. If it had been, Franklin would have been "cooked proper."

Instead, the kite picked up atmospheric electrical charge that traveled down the wet string to a metal key. When Franklin moved his knuckle close to the key, he got a mild shock. That's it. That's the whole experiment.

But give the man credit—he turned "I touched a key and felt a tingle" into "I DEFEATED THE HEAVENS."

Why Franklin Matters (Besides the Money)

Franklin proved that genius doesn't have to be boring. He was a scientist who electrocuted turkeys for fun, a diplomat who wrote fake letters to troll his enemies, and a philosopher who took naked air baths because "cold water was too violent."

He once said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

He also said, "Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days," which explains why he never had roommates.

In an era of serious revolutionaries, Franklin was the guy at the party making everyone laugh while accidentally inventing the lightning rod, bifocals, and the concept of daylight saving time (for which we still blame him every spring).

So the next time you see his face on a hundred-dollar bill, remember: That smirk isn't just about founding a nation. It's the smile of a man who got away with being naked, petty, and electrically reckless—and still made it onto the money.

TL;DR: Benjamin Franklin was the 18th century's most successful chaos agent, and we're all just living in his world.

What's your favorite Franklin fact? Drop it in the comments!